5 Reasons For a Weekly Date Night

Valentine’s Day is the THE big date night of the year, but what about the other 51 weeks? Don’t you and the hubster deserve a little one-on-one time together on a regular basis?

I know, I know, you’d have to get a babysitter and you’re just too tired anyway, and seriously, your legs haven’t seen a razor since your beach vacation last July. Well, as many excuses as there are not to have a regular date night, there are even better ones in favor of it. For instance:

1. Grow together, not apart – It’s too easy to lead separate lives within a marriage. He has his friends, you have yours. He has his job, you have yours. He goes to the gym in the morning, you go after work. There’s very little opportunity to spend time together and reconnect. A couple of hours one night a week goes a long way to keeping you up-to-date in your partner’s life.

2. Be the true you – We wear lots of hats each day – mom, coworker, sister, etc. – and each hat comes with a different set of rules. As a mom, you want to set a good example, so you don’t call the guy who just cut you off in traffic that very creative four-letter-word that was on the tip of your tongue. And heaven forbid you go without pantyhose at the office or wear that cute little top that you love that gives just a peek at “the girls.” Date night gives you a chance to throw out all the rules and just be yourself.

3. No responsibility, all fun – Our lives seem to be run by jammed calendars and mile-long To Do lists, at work and at home. So taking a break from our responsibilities once a week gives us a chance to relax and have fun. And afterall, isn’t this the person your hubby fell in love with?

4. A date with a hot guy – By the same token, you get to see the goofy, sexy, sweet guy you swooned over years ago. Well, hello, you sexy beast! Where’ve you been?

5. Cheaper than divorce – Seriously, I’ve been there. And the high price of divorce – both monetarily and emotionally – is not an expense I’m willing to take on again. For the same money, I could take a fabulously romantic vacation with my hubby (and feel a whole other range of emotions)! So book a cabin instead of a court date.

Making a commitment to set aside time for your relationship will strengthen the bond you created so many years ago. So what are you waiting for? Go have fun!

Romance is a Decision

Are you starting to feel a little anxious about Valentine’s Day? Hoping that just this once your partner will surprise you with a romantic evening instead of the usual take-out and video rental? Or have you given up hope of ever having the perfect date?

Good news! Romance isn’t something that just happens to us if we’re lucky enough to have a thoughtful partner. It’s something that we can create ourselves. Romance is a decision.

If your love life isn’t all you hoped it would be, then take responsibility for changing it. Do things differently this Valentine’s Day – you make the plans. Chances are, once you let your partner know that you’ve made reservations at a quiet, romantic restaurant, or arranged to have the kids stay over at a friend’s house for the night, or made a special purchase at Victoria’s Secret, he’ll get the message and come up with a few suggestions of his own to enhance the evening.

We all know that romance doesn’t usually come naturally to most men, but they can learn from your example. So this Valentine’s Day, show him how it’s done.

Create Relaxing Rituals

We all experience stress in our lives and can benefit from participating in relaxing rituals, calming activities that we practice on a daily basis. A soothing ritual offers predictability and can give us the opportunity to let go of the tension that has built up during the day.

Everyone has their favorite activity to unwind, but here are a few more you might try:

* Music - Calming music is great for quieting the noise in your mind. Whether it’s classical music or mellow rock, the right kind of music can set the stage for relaxation.

* A bath – Warm baths are wonderful for unwinding after a long and stressful day. Add some aromatic oils to your water for an even more soothing effect.

* Quiet contemplation – Some people find that taking some time each evening to mentally go over the events of the day without judgment helps them let go of anxious feelings. Others find it beneficial to visualize how they want the following day to go.

* Yoga – Any kind of exercise can improve your state of mind, but yoga is especially good for eliminating anxiety. It works the body and keeps the mind occupied while helping you wind down.

* Puzzles and games – Any kind of non-competitive challenge can help take your mind off of the things that cause you stress. Jigsaw puzzles, crosswords and solitaire require concentration, using up mental resources that were going toward perpetuating stress.

* Journaling – Writing in a journal is a time-tested method of letting go of frustrations. Simply recording the events of your day and your reactions to them can help you move beyond the stresses and recall the good stuff.

* Tea – A cup of hot tea is practically synonymous with relaxation. It should, however, be caffeine-free. Better yet, make a tea using soothing herbs such as chamomile or passionflower.

A relaxing ritual can be a powerful weapon in the fight against stress. It can help us deal with the hassles we face each day and unwind so that we can get a good night’s sleep.

My Funny Valentine

Ask anyone in a committed long-term union for the secret of their success. Almost always, one of the top three reasons cited is the ability to laugh together. No matter how big the problems, or how many the obstacles, they will be most effectively approached with a sense of humor and the teamwork that emerges from shared laughter and a mutually positive outlook.

So this Valentine’s Day, put the fun back in your relationship with the following suggestions:

• Both of you call in sick to work and play hooky. Hang out at the mall like truant high school sophomores. Spend some time coming up with totally outrageous excuses that you know you will never be able to deliver with a straight face.
• Watch old sitcoms together, which are just as funny as when they were made.
• Take a foreign language class together and decide that you will only communicate in that language over dinner. If nothing else, it will really polish your charades ability.
• Take an art class and paint each other’s portraits.
• Have a leisurely lunch at your favorite restaraunt and make up stories about the other patrons.
• Sing Kareoke while your partner acts like one of the judges from American Idol.
• Pretend you’ve just met and try out some stale pick up lines to see each other’s reaction.

Deliberately establishing “recess” periods gives us a break from the daily grind. Just as children don’t learn well if they don’t have a chance to go out and play, adults need a recess too. It not only allows us to return to work re-energized and renewed, but most importantly, the play time with our partner intensifies our relationship and can keep our affection green and growing through the years ahead.

Stop Multitasking and Start Getting More Done

Like many of us, I have always taken pride in the fact that I could multitask. As a matter of fact, I had that listed on my last resume as one of my strengths. Silly me! I drew attention to the fact that I could quite easily work on several projects at the same time, giving them all the same level of neglect while taking longer to accomplish them, resulting in consistently mediocre work.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t dispute the fact that we can talk on the phone while we wash dishes, or walk the dog, or sort laundry. It’s easy to do two things simultaneously that are routine and don’t require focus or emotional involvement. But many of the tasks in our lives deserve and need our undivided attention.

When you multitask, you aren’t doing two things at once; you’re actually rapidly shifting attention from one task to the another, back and forth, back and forth, like when your preparing a proposal and you have to keep stopping to answer your phone. When you shift tasks, you also shift mindsets, so to speak, which takes time. And if you are shifting tasks frequently, you usually keep yourself poised for the next interruption, never fully engaging in the task at hand. In other words, not giving it your full effort. And let’s not even talk about how exhausting multitasking can be. That’s a whole other post.

Since most jobs don’t allow you to turn off your phone and shut down your email while you work on a project, you need a system that allows for those interruptions. I’ve found it helpful to break a large project into small, bite-sized steps and focus on only one step at a time. Each step usually only takes about 20-30 minutes to complete, time enough before the phone rings again. And before I know it, the project is done, without feeling like I’ve been in a game of ping-pong.

Thankfully, I can say that today I am a recovering multitasker. I still struggle with overwhelm sometimes and the urge to start numerous projects at once, but with my solid system in place, I can quickly focus and accomplish a lot more in less time.